and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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