I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
