I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
