Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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