My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
