The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
