Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
