If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
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Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
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I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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