Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
