i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
