i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
