i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
