Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
