At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The dick lei will go down in squad history
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
