btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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