Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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