we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
