We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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