So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
