why didn't you poke me back
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
