so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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