Jerry, you need to find god
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
