Nicole vs. Life
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
