Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
