sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
