i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
