your parents love me but you hate me
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
