the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
