he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
this just has baby written all over it
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
