it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
