Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
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I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
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Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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