Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
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I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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