I smell stomach acid.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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