im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
