bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
