awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
