Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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