I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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