Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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