Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
