he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Pooping to opera.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
