I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
