I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
