All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
