Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
