The best revenge is premature balding
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
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Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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