i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
