Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I enjoy the company of your penis
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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