I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
