i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i will never coherently bang her
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
