i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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