yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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