got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
