took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize