Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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