i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
