all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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