the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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