Don't EVER smell your tampon
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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