when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
