i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
