Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize