No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
