just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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