Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
