Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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