Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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