I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
