he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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