Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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