I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
