chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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