It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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