dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
