once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize