I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
