he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Randomize
