i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
