Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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