So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Life is so much better after having sex.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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