I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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