OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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